Thursday, August 23, 2012
Our New Normal
Normal for us has radically changed in the past two weeks. This is our story.
For 19 years my husband went to work and gave his all to a company that doesn't deserve to be recognized in my opinion. He worked long hours and sacrificed weekends, holidays, and nights to help out in any way he was able. Now the company has decided that it is time for cutbacks and trimming of the fat. The fat....you mean like the company jet and hundreds of company cars on the books. Six figure incomes for your VP's, while the "REAL" workers struggle to keep their families above water. Now we have to find a new way to stay afloat.
I don't mean to sound so angry, but it pains me to see how this has affected my husband. My husband who is the most dedicated and loyal person I know. It pains me to see my daughter trying to hide her fear, but deep inside, she is uncertain of what tomorrow will bring to her normal. It pains me to think that my income will not cover the monthly expenses. This job that I took in hopes of paying off debt, has now become our sole income.
I know this is whinning, but here is the only place that I can vent. Here is the only place I can reveal my feelings. Here I can be sad, and scared. Here I can cry. In reality, when my mind is free of emotions, I know we will survive. I know we are still richer than most of the world. But most of all, I know God is faithful. El roi....God who sees me. He knows where we are and He knows why I'm feeling this way. Nothing is hidden from Him. I know there will be victory at the end of this journey, but it is a journey I would rather not travel. Wrong to feel this way? Yes, but truthful.
I can say all the "Christian" sayings and be the example to everyone. But I am still human. I am still weak, I am still afraid, and I am still uncertain of what the future holds for us. Will we be forgotten? No, God will not forget us. Will things be exactly the same as they were? I don't know, only God knows for sure.
The weird thing is, even in the midst of uncertainty, I do feel a calm. Maybe reality hasn't hit me yet. Or maybe, God is holding me as I walk through the steps of this journey. Maybe the voice I barely hear, whispering "everything will be fine" is God's reassurance. God's way of telling me, "Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." And the reality of it is that I know we will get through this season.
But I also know I need prayers, I need to stay connected to God everyday. Because it would be too easy to come unglued. It would be too easy to be terrified and discouraged. It would be too easy to crawl into my bed and hide. But not this time. This time I will trust and wait on God's perfect timing. Trusting in the intimate knowledge He has of my life. Believing that my God is faithful.
Thank you for letting me vent and cry tonight. It felt good to write my feelings, because in the process God spoke truth to my heart.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Green Lake Getaway 2012
Since coming to Immanuel Church, our family has made the Green Lake Getaways an annual event in the summer. It is a short 3 day getaway with our church family. It is filled with worship, fellowship, and rest. Perfect for the end of the school year and the beginning of summer. It is a time to reconnect and reflect with God, family and friends.
Every year the theme and the activities are different. There is always a group activity, which stretches you to work with people you may not know yet. But it's a great way to connect with other families. It makes our big church feel a little smaller and a little more intimate.
I think the thing that amazes me the most is the way God connects with us on this trip. He always knows what we need. This year was no different. I started the trip feeling very depleted and empty. My relationships were feeling strained and I was very discouraged. But God knew actually what I needed and He met me there, in that little corner of Wisconsin, to fill me up. He provided time to talk with my husband. He gave our family time to play and laugh with each other again. He reached out to us through fellow church members, filling up holes left by past experiences. It was truely amazing to watch God work.
He even threw in a bonus of helping my daughter and I face some fears while we were there. My daughter walks on the side of caution. She is not a daredevil and she tends to walk away from anything out of her comfort zone. During this trip we were invited to go boating with some of our friends. When they invited us, they didn't mention anything about going tubing too. Which in hindsight was a good thing, because my daughter, Megan, would never have agreed to tubing. At first she was apprehensive, but her best friend was with her (who by the way is a complete daredevil) and convinced her to give it a try. She had so much fun!! She could not stop smiling and laughing. It was pretty amazing to watch!!
My fear factor experience had to deal with heights and tight, dark spaces. Two of my favorite things, NOT! We had decided to take part in a tour of Judson Tower. Everyone we talked to said the tower tour was a "must" and so we decided do it. Everyone neglected to talk about the climb up to the tower, all we heard about was the "amazing views". Well there's a reason no one talks about the climb. If they did, no sane person would take the tour. Ok, I'm exaggerating, but it was pretty testing on my nerves. There are 80 steps built into a step hill to reach the tower and another 120 steps inside a dark, very narrow spiral staircase up to the top of the tower. Halfway up the tower steps, I felt a panic attack coming on. But I was stuck, because I had people in front of me (one of which was my daughter) and people behind me. I wasn't going anywhere except up, up, and up the horrble staircase of terror. All I could do was pray, pray and pray. Because it was going to take the strength of the Creator to get me up those steps. It was one of the scariest, frightening, exhiliating, and fantastic experiences of my life and the view was pretty amazing. Later that day, we found out the tower was built with not only the staircase of terror, but also an elevator. I guess the owner wasn't a fan of the staircase either.
Throughout the weekend, the word WOW just kept popping into my head. As I look back over every event, every tour, every conversation, I am truely in awe of my Creator. Not only of the beauty of Green Lake, but also in the beauty of the people around us and the beauty of His love for us. Green Lake may not be the Bahamas or Hawaii, but it's a family tradition I'm thankful God urged us to be a part of.
Verse of the day:
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing Spirit." Psalm 51:12
Every year the theme and the activities are different. There is always a group activity, which stretches you to work with people you may not know yet. But it's a great way to connect with other families. It makes our big church feel a little smaller and a little more intimate.
I think the thing that amazes me the most is the way God connects with us on this trip. He always knows what we need. This year was no different. I started the trip feeling very depleted and empty. My relationships were feeling strained and I was very discouraged. But God knew actually what I needed and He met me there, in that little corner of Wisconsin, to fill me up. He provided time to talk with my husband. He gave our family time to play and laugh with each other again. He reached out to us through fellow church members, filling up holes left by past experiences. It was truely amazing to watch God work.
He even threw in a bonus of helping my daughter and I face some fears while we were there. My daughter walks on the side of caution. She is not a daredevil and she tends to walk away from anything out of her comfort zone. During this trip we were invited to go boating with some of our friends. When they invited us, they didn't mention anything about going tubing too. Which in hindsight was a good thing, because my daughter, Megan, would never have agreed to tubing. At first she was apprehensive, but her best friend was with her (who by the way is a complete daredevil) and convinced her to give it a try. She had so much fun!! She could not stop smiling and laughing. It was pretty amazing to watch!!
My fear factor experience had to deal with heights and tight, dark spaces. Two of my favorite things, NOT! We had decided to take part in a tour of Judson Tower. Everyone we talked to said the tower tour was a "must" and so we decided do it. Everyone neglected to talk about the climb up to the tower, all we heard about was the "amazing views". Well there's a reason no one talks about the climb. If they did, no sane person would take the tour. Ok, I'm exaggerating, but it was pretty testing on my nerves. There are 80 steps built into a step hill to reach the tower and another 120 steps inside a dark, very narrow spiral staircase up to the top of the tower. Halfway up the tower steps, I felt a panic attack coming on. But I was stuck, because I had people in front of me (one of which was my daughter) and people behind me. I wasn't going anywhere except up, up, and up the horrble staircase of terror. All I could do was pray, pray and pray. Because it was going to take the strength of the Creator to get me up those steps. It was one of the scariest, frightening, exhiliating, and fantastic experiences of my life and the view was pretty amazing. Later that day, we found out the tower was built with not only the staircase of terror, but also an elevator. I guess the owner wasn't a fan of the staircase either.
Throughout the weekend, the word WOW just kept popping into my head. As I look back over every event, every tour, every conversation, I am truely in awe of my Creator. Not only of the beauty of Green Lake, but also in the beauty of the people around us and the beauty of His love for us. Green Lake may not be the Bahamas or Hawaii, but it's a family tradition I'm thankful God urged us to be a part of.
Verse of the day:
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing Spirit." Psalm 51:12
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