Our New Normal

Normal for us has radically changed in the past two weeks.  This is our story.

For 19 years my husband went to work and gave his all to a company that doesn't deserve to be recognized in my opinion.  He worked long hours and sacrificed weekends, holidays, and nights to help out in any way he was able.  Now the company has decided that it is time for cutbacks and trimming of the fat.  The fat....you mean like the company jet and hundreds of company cars on the books.  Six figure incomes for your VP's, while the "REAL" workers struggle to keep their families above water.  Now we have to find a new way to stay afloat. 

I don't mean to sound so angry, but it pains me to see how this has affected my husband.  My husband who is the most dedicated and loyal person I know.  It pains me to see my daughter trying to hide her fear, but deep inside, she is uncertain of what tomorrow will bring to her normal.  It pains me to think that my income will not cover the monthly expenses. This job that I took in hopes of paying off debt, has now become our sole income. 

I know this is whinning, but here is the only place that I can vent.  Here is the only place I can reveal my feelings.  Here I can be sad, and scared.  Here I can cry.  In reality, when my mind is free of emotions, I know we will survive.  I know we are still richer than most of the world.  But most of all, I know God is faithful.  El roi....God who sees me.  He knows where we are and He knows why I'm feeling this way.  Nothing is hidden from Him.  I know there will be victory at the end of this journey, but it is a journey I would rather not travel.  Wrong to feel this way? Yes, but truthful. 

I can say all the "Christian" sayings and be the example to everyone.  But I am still human.  I am still weak, I am still afraid, and I am still uncertain of what the future holds for us.  Will we be forgotten? No, God will not forget us.  Will things be exactly the same as they were? I don't know, only God knows for sure. 

The weird thing is, even in the midst of uncertainty, I do feel a calm.  Maybe reality hasn't hit me yet.  Or maybe, God is holding me as I walk through the steps of this journey.  Maybe the voice I barely hear, whispering "everything will be fine" is God's reassurance.  God's way of telling me, "Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." And the reality of it is that I know we will get through this season. 

But I also know I need prayers, I need to stay connected to God everyday.  Because it would be too easy to come unglued.  It would be too easy to be terrified and discouraged.  It would be too easy to crawl into my bed and hide.  But not this time.  This time I will trust and wait on God's perfect timing. Trusting in the intimate knowledge He has of my life.  Believing that my God is faithful.

Thank you for letting me vent and cry tonight.  It felt good to write my feelings, because in the process God spoke truth to my heart.